I am now well over a month into creating ‘Where do I go from here?’. Three pictures are done, the forth is work in progress. I have two more sketches ready, one poem for another picture written on top of that and many more ideas in my head. I am exclusively living for this project and in the project’s ideas.
Yes, I have purposely secluded myself from the world outside. What I did physically, when I moved to the desert, I am now doing mentally. All these years I have given to customers, patients, friends. I have listened, cared, and helped them to get a bit more comfortable with their situation, their life and themselves. I learnt a lot about others. I stayed this scared, bullied child overstrained by the world outside my head.
Once a friend, Doron, said that my strength is that I say relentlessly the truth, yet I hadn’t found my voice yet. By the time he said it, I didn’t know what he meant. I wrote stories, I painted pictures. I expressed myself. But I didn’t. I expressed ideas, children of my intellect. Me is what I try to dig through now – relentlessly truthful.
I had to focus. I create the best art of my life.
And suddenly, the main subject that I am dealing with in the series – finding myself and my life in today’s media focused world – jumps back from my art into my head. How do I keep focused and motivated when the world outside turns on and on and rolls via my computer straight into my place – rolls through it, but isn’t even bothered to fake any impact I had on it?
“Because the people, who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
I read this on Twitter the other night. It’s distracting. Not the sentence. That is true though my belief in it is not equally strong in every minute of my being. Twitter I mean, Twitter is distracting. And Facebook. And this blog, despite the fact that it has already become part of the art project, mirroring the moods and ideas I have to go through until I have something to actually show.
You check for clicks and retweets and replies and comments and – … OK, this is not focus. But as I sworn to honesty: a zero is still disencouraging and a distraction to my fantasies of art shows in New York, Boston and L.A.