Smalltalk on Thresholds

Life on the Threshold, acrylic on canvas 115x180

I have problems with small talk. The whole concept of chatting to pass time with something both parties are not fully interested in, if at all, stays outlandish for me. By now I developed a strategy other than just keeping silent. I wait for key words that allow me to fill in real information or some of my adventure stories. Stories work better than information on most occasions.

I think my lack of appreciation of small talk derives from the fact that I can’t read mimic or body language or tone. I guess in small talk this underlying layer of the unsaid is what is really important. I worked on that too. I read up on psychology. I try to trust my intuition more than my overly analytical mind. But more often than not I am still at a loss; especially with men. I don’t realize a flirt until shortly before a flirter jumps at me, what they usually don’t do but stop long before probably frustrated.

Anyone surprised when I say, interaction with other humans frightens me? Hence, my main strategy remains to avoid contact. Yet, that isn’t satisfying either, as on the other hand I am highly curious and longing for the feeling of belonging and sharing. As I say in this picture:

 Drawn by the music to sway in the rhythm, desperately waiting for the bite.
Gravitated to the reclusiveness of the night.
Desert, city, anything in between.
I am late – always; constantly ahead of my time.
Yet never there.
Given: I am the impossible paradox,
the spring that came after autumn equinox.
Residing on thresholds,
I am the stranger between worlds.

Life on the Threshold, acrylic on canvas 115x180 - Detail of party on left side

Life on the Threshold, acrylic on canvas 115x180 - Detail of Chicago by night on the right

Life on the Threshold, acrylic on canvas 115x180 - Detail of woman in red on the right side


One thought on “Smalltalk on Thresholds

  1. hey i think we’ve got same similarities here..by the way i found your blog on my way to search for somethin related with WHITE COLLAR, i’m a huge fan.hehe..when i read your little article,i found you in me..no one would ever understand this..you know it’s hard to small talk,pretending nice when you just have no idea how to do it. my parents always blamed my inferiority complex but that isn’t what the whole thing is all..i can’t read body language,tone or whatsover people called,i often was marked by relative as an ignorant for it,but i guess i’m just too ‘simple-minded'(i don’t know whether this is the right word),i don’t know and i don’t talk much.sadly i have no friends too….in my class i am regarded as a snob because i talk to no one..you know i tried my best to work on that(talking to someone in the class esp) but it ain’t working,i think i’m faking myself.and often,they didn’t get or misinterpret of what i’m trying to say..i was all alone in 5 years in highschool..can you imagined how it felt? what you wrote in there surprised me as i never think before that there’s someone like me out there. thank you..i’m eighteen by the way.

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