Where do I go from here?

What’s important to know before one can decide, where to go, is: Where am I at present. I am not speaking location. Even for a person with as bad orientation skills as mine this should be easy to determine. I look at this question more philosophically or psychologically? Where am I right now in my personal development?

I try to assert this by looking at prevalent emotions, questions and thoughts on the one hand and chosen idols at the other. I try to work out, what it is that makes the issue or character/person important to me right now.

Practically, that means I create 8 to 10 pictures evenly split between the two groups. I’ll deal with identity, being a stranger between worlds, yearning, life/death and fear for the introspective side. I’ve decided to feature Angel, Spike, Pink, and Angela from Bones as the idols. The pictures will include poems or quotes, either written by me or belonging to the character.

That I chose mostly artificial characters from pop culture only has several reasons. Sure, I like each and every one of them. They accompanied me through the last year. And there are aspects about them, how they act and what they stand for, I can relate to or would like to incorporate into my life as well.

Yet on the other hand, like with most things in modern pop culture the decision to choose these kind of idols contains a danger. The characters are larger than life. They showcase a perfection in what they do that is beyond nature. Striving to become what they are becomes therefore an impossible task and might scare and inhibit you.

In the end however, these characters are created to be role models. They are sold to the public as what normality should look like and mingled into the mix of reality shows, real life news and social networks that blur the lines between reality and fantasy. It’s something I criticize but can’t elude from either.

This part leads me to a conclusive element in the art project. It will include only two pieces: a painted on sculpture/ piece of furniture to represent the reflection, and a collage of a blurred photo of my head hidden behind a painting of a peacock’s tail or just one feather. Peacock’s tail is the name of the final moment of the black phase of alchemy.

Psychologically speaking, during the black phase called nigredo you take your problems, strip them of everything superfluous and burn them down to the core. It’s hard work, very depressing stuff and therefore pure blackness. But once you get closer to the essence of your problems the blackness is brightened by all kind of colors the like you can find in a peacock’s tail.

These can be either illusions that your mind creates to escape the desperation of reality. They have the nasty habit of distracting you from your goal of getting to the core of your problems. If they succeed you loose and you are thrown back into the darkness of Nigredo (black as the added value of all colors when you talk e.g. painting).

But they can be as well created through alterations of you consciousness by real insight from you efforts. You have managed to get to the core of your problems and therefore you look at the world now with different eyes. You can deal and cope what makes the world seem brighter. You reached Albedo, the white phase (white as the added value of all colors when you talk light).

Peacock’s tail is neither black nor white but colorful like the spectrum. That’s there I see me right now. And so the outlook into the future is still open – either/or. So, in the end of the project I want to create a video installation meant for a black and a white room representing the core elements of Nigredo and Albedo. Though I have a firm idea of how the video for Nigredo is suppose to look like, I have even less of an idea yet, how to realize it, than with the sculpture part. But hey, I am teachable and maybe I even have friends with skills.


Making Faces - The Art of (Being) Angela, acrylic on canvas with pencil-drawings 140x160

acrylic on canvas 160 x160

Identity, acrylic on canvas 160 x 160

Making Faces – The Art of (Being) Angela Identity

Heroes and Angel, acrylic on canvas 120x180

Life on the Threshold, acrylic on canvas 115x180

Heroes and Angel Smalltalk on Thresholds

A Gift - it's Heaven, it's Hell (Pink), acrylic on canvas 180x160

Death and Life in a Square, acrylic on canvas 160 x 160

To Be Gifted – It’s Heaven, It’s Hell (Pink) Death and Life in a Square

Spike and Poetry, acrylic on canvas 140 x 160

Longing, acrylic on canvas 160 x 120

Spike and Poetry Longing

One thought on “Where do I go from here?

  1. Pingback: Making Faces – The Art of [Being] Angela (painting) « Stranger Between Worlds

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